Mrs:You look sad, what's up
Me: You, I can't find you
Mrs: What do you mean?
Me: I love Christmas don't get me wrong, but I've never been so alone. I can make believe you're here and that I'm OK with just being by myself; but the truth is I'm suffering. My friends all have moved on and I'm even more lonely than I was in Florida. I want to connect, but just doesn't seem to happen. I want to scream at the top of my lungs where are you?
Mrs: Babe...
Me: I hear Bruno Mars or Gavin Degraw on the radio and all I can think of is how might never meet or know you. I hate hearing from couples about how you have to be happy single, and that's not fair. You find this amazing person so who the Hell are you tell me I should be happy alone? I can enjoy things alone, I can find myself enjoying silence, but all I can think of is you. How I would laugh at the cute things you do like rocking back in forward when you've had to much sugar. Or appreciate you for never putting up with my antics when it's time to be serious. Or love you for how you hug me softly when I'm stuck in my mind.
Mrs: All I can say is that you are a great person, and whenever this happens trust me, you'll appreciate me more.
Me: All I can think of is whoever you are with, how I'm not the person who is the reason for your smile, that I'm the not the guy who makes your day worth it, and I'm not that guy for you.
Mrs: Babe
Me: Never mind, this is stupid. Like I do everyday, I'll just pretend you exist and keep this to myself. Between me and God.
Mrs: I'm sorry
Me: It's not you, it's me.
