Today was a long day. I had to write this blog at 3:30 am so I could get all of it out while it was still fresh. Work was OK, but I felt like it wasn't what I was suppose to be doing. I was excelling, but at what? At selling games? I love games and just the stories, the adventures, and the conflicts, and everything, but it isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life. So I kind of drifted through the day, doing great numbers and just trying to get through it.
I remembered that I talked to a sorority sister of mine and she tells me to get my hair done tonight right after work because it's the only time she has for me. So I do that I drive, tired, and ready for sleep to her home in Daytona. I arrive and she is on the phone doing a Bible study. I talk to one of her Neos and joke around; but really I'm listening to the message they were talking about over the conference call Bible study. They were talking about giving and giving all of one's self to Christ, but not being required for tithes. Now don't get them wrong, they were saying the greatness of tithing ten percent and all, but that wasn't the point. The point was, that if you are going to follow Christ you give what you can and you give the rest meaning yourself and not your money to God.
If you give What is due to him then he will instruct you, with what to do with the rest of the 90% of your money. Now I realize that giving all of yourself is a lot because I did it to come down here. The funny thing is that, her neo tells me that this wasn't even the topic of the Bible study she was suppose to be on! So already my ears are perked up because, God's talking to someone! So I sit and get my dreads cleaned up and realize it's 2 am. I'm literally pawning to get out because I'm so tired. I tell everyone bye and leave out the door and head to the car, get in and drive away.
You would think that's the end of the night; and you'd be wrong. So I get literally 45 seconds from the apartment complex and get pulled over by a cop car who pulls up next to me at a stop light, then reverses to pull behind me. I say why am I getting pulled over, the car is fine. He tells me that my tag light is out! MY TAG LIGHT! Who gets pulled over for a tag light? At this time Eminem is playing on the radio. he asks where I work and I say Gamestop inc. He tells me, you're lucky I'm a gamer, he says I'm giving you a warning. I'm like praise God, but I forget that my drivers license expired in July and I have to get back to MD to renew it! I'm like come on God! When it rains, it pours right?
So I sit in the car and see a motor cop pull up. I'm like OK Chris, you're going to jail. Game over Bro, you did what you could here and now you're getting sent back to MD. The funny thing is that, the cop actually waves off the white motor cop. So I sit thinking OK this is a slight good sign. I sit, and then I begin to pray, saying God, OK, I couldn't ride on grace forever, he's going to ticket me or take me away. So I turn my radio dial to 88.3 after surfing and just wanting to be encouraged. Nothing was on that I knew on 88.3, but the cop walks up to the car and says these exact words, " Now, I heard you listening to Eminem when I pulled you over, and now you're listening to 88.3; what you know about that?". I pause and am speechless. Then God starts talking through the radio with the song that says our blessings come through rain drops, what if our lessons come through tears. I tell him I'm in a christian fraternity, I'm a firm believer and that it's all I know. He says you have a church home? I reply and say no, but I'm still looking.
he turns over the paper and hands me his information, Officer Jermaine. he tells me it's non denominational, and come as you are. I was floored. he offers his hand, and on his wrist says I Heart Jesus. I was like JESUS CHRIST! He hands me a warning, and a offering to a church. He didn't know me, my eyes were read from scratching them, and he hears Eminem when walking to the car. He could have done whatever he wanted, but instead God spoke. I told him my leap of faith and he applauded me. God I hear you man, I mean I hear you! Just help me, I'm trying to make right decisions and I'm going to go to this church. You are so Great! So if you see trials in your life, and you see burdens, and you see things not going your way. Remember, those problems, might just be blessings in disguise.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Rising Tide
Here I am, sitting on the floor after a long somewhat successful day and contemplating quitting it all. I spent most my day playing video games and training at the tennis court, but I've come to see that maybe God has changed his mind. I've been walking this path thinking that I'm doing the right thing, maybe it's time to just go the other way, the more financial way. So I drank a beer, had a subway sandwich and toasted to the end of the dream. I give in, I quit, I will walk into an office building get a job and just move on from this pipe dream.
One thing that all of these successful dream catchers have is support. They eventually hit the breaking point when things start developing and blooming like a flower. Me, I moved, I got broke, then I got more bills and then I got broker. The more I try the more it seems like the entire world is stepping up to knock me down. it can't be coincidence that as soon as I begin to make another leap, a wall shows up. I guess it's over. I haven't heard from my coach in so long, truth be told I think he and the other tennis coaches think I'm crazy and I'm probably some inside joke now.
I haven't heard from my pastor and feel like the world is just pulling me down. I have nothing to work from. I don't have a stone to step on and trusting God is more like telling me to ask for help from someone who is telling me to do something else. I dunno, I just need help. This rising tide seems more like a tidal wave.
One thing that all of these successful dream catchers have is support. They eventually hit the breaking point when things start developing and blooming like a flower. Me, I moved, I got broke, then I got more bills and then I got broker. The more I try the more it seems like the entire world is stepping up to knock me down. it can't be coincidence that as soon as I begin to make another leap, a wall shows up. I guess it's over. I haven't heard from my coach in so long, truth be told I think he and the other tennis coaches think I'm crazy and I'm probably some inside joke now.
I haven't heard from my pastor and feel like the world is just pulling me down. I have nothing to work from. I don't have a stone to step on and trusting God is more like telling me to ask for help from someone who is telling me to do something else. I dunno, I just need help. This rising tide seems more like a tidal wave.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sun Burned
Every once in a while we all get a little burned out. I don't mean burned out by actual burns, but I mean when it feels like everything is against you. Your "friends don't have your back, or they turn against you even; seemingly." " or even, nothing seems to add up or go your way." You're burnt. You have nothing left and you've hit your proverbial wall. I am at said wall. Every time I feel progress, I begin to regress. My goals seem impossible, bills seem insurmountable, and love is unattainable. I have no answers, only more questions.
So what do I do now? As much as my mind quits in life, My heart begins working for my mind. My heart makes decisions, granted not always the correct one. But I have to admit it's in the right place always. I'm lead by a higher calling and not just the desires of my own will and success. I have to believe that now, since I've considered quitting what I'm doing everyday of my life, but I can't. To be completely honest, success is the only way I can stop. If I fail I should surely die. Now don't take that as a huge suicide notice and put me on watch. I mean that, if I don't succeed then well, my life will probably be over because I cannot stop, I will not stop, until I've reached glory.Am I a fool, probably. But no matter how hot and tight collared my life gets; this goal is my only friend. My goal is God given and consists of him so he is my only hope. If you have a dream in life and it requires all of you, and I do mean all of you; don't allow the seemingly impossible odds prove that you aren't meant to live your dream. Your dream will be passed through trial and fire to show it is of real importance. If it isn't a real dream then it will be destroyed and thrown to the side as easily as Christmas rapping paper. So I tell you, whoever is out there reading this, real dreams are meant to be lived and told; not to be forgotten and let go of. So as burnt as I am right now, tired, without answers. I decided to put on more sun screen and go to work. Success isn't given, it's earned.
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